vulnerability

ts been awhile since I’ve written. Publicly written. I’ve done a lot of journaling and scribbling in napkins and torn off corners of patient charts. I’ve been afraid lately. Afraid of being vulnerable.

Let me tell you something about vulnerability. It’s probably the bravest thing we can be in this society: vulnerable. But it’s also probably the hardest thing we can be.

For those that know me on a deep level (which, on my own fault, is few), you know exactly what I’ve been trying to process recently, and why my vulnerability is at its highest now. I hope to one day reach the point where I can share my story with everyone, because in being vulnerable and honest and real we realize we are not ever alone.

There’s too many things right now in my life that are preventing that kind of vulnerability just yet.

But..I will tell you a story. I have recently reached out to friends, and when I have allowed myself to be absolutely honest, forthcoming and vulnerable, that’s when I have noticed those friendships grow. I recently went on a walk with one of my best friends from college. I told her what I’ve been dealing with these past several years, even though I knew she probably already had an inkling. So it wasn’t surprising that she knew what I’d been through. What was surprising was that she had her own struggle to share. And she willingly shared it, starting with “I want to share a secret with you. Something I’ve never shared with anyone in my life before.” How powerful is that? How important is that? To be real, to be honest, to connect? That is what life is about.

I may only have 2-3 people that I consider true friends right now. But I would take that over 100 people that know my name but have no clue what I dealt with at 12:30 AM last Friday.

We are meant to be connected. We are meant to love one another. There are days when I want to throw dirt at every single person I run into. But when I take time to breathe and love and connect…well that’s when I feel whole again.

Please reach out to me if you are struggling, if you are fine, if you just want to discuss life. I am always available.